Guidelines To Living With The Avengers
by Emilia Rachana Copper
Summary: Stephanie gives her observations of what and what not to do when faced to live with the Avengers.
1. Rules 1 through 10

Guidelines to living with the Avengers

1. No matter what Tony says DO NOT replace Nick Fury's eye patch with a waffle.

(It was quite funny, until Fury found out I did it, he ended up taking revenge and glued me to a chair during a fake briefing.)

2. Hiding Thor's Pop tarts does not earn you approval stickers with Thor or Tony.

(I hid his Pop tarts and the kitchen was destroyed. Tony nearly killed me by using me as target practice for his suit.)

3. Calling Clint a wiener during a mission only gets you blown up.

(Tony called Clint a wiener when he was flying by and Clint ended up shooting him with one of his blasting arrows and Tony fell out of the sky; for the third mission in a row.)

4. Not under any circumstances is anyone allowed to tamper with Loki's first cup of coffee.

(Tony put milk and sugar into it, and he wasn't able to drink coffee for a month. I turned it into snakes; Loki hid a snake in my bed.)

5. On new recruits firsts day playing dead when you walk in is not allowed.

(Fury literally pushed me off the edge of the hellicarrier and into the frigid waters.)

6. I'm not allowed to play checkers with Bruce anymore.

(I lost and then mimicked him turning into the Hulk.)

7. Don't eat Chinese without Loki.

(He WILL find out and get his revenge. That man loves his Chinese.)

8. Telling Tony that you flushed all of his liquor down the toilet only makes you target practice.

(I dared Clint to do it once, and he had scorch marks all over him for a week.)

9. Daring Steve not to break anything for a day will only get you having the rest of the team supposedly break things.

(Poor Bruce ended up 'breaking' a cabinet door and got screamed at by Tony.)

10. Daring Tony not to use a sarcastic comment while he dares you not to use magic is not very appreciated.

(We dared each other and I ended up having a tiny robot follow me all day singing the Nyan Cat song.)

**AN- Yay! New story from Miss Copper! Well more like some weird thing that she has no clue why she made it XD. Anywho I hopped you guys liked it, and if you have any rule ideas just post in comments!**


	2. Rules 11 through 20

Guidelines To Living With The Avengers

11. Tony and I aren't allowed to talk about the band Suicidal Tendencies in front of the team.

(Here's how it went: "What are you listening to?" (Me while he's head banging at the mini bar) "Suicidal Tendencies," (Tony) "Oh I love them." "I know right?" "They are so amazing; I could listen to them all day." The faces on the team were priceless. It took a couple of minutes before Tony and I could stop laughing so we could explain that they were a band.)

12. I can't say 'shoot a monkey' when I make a mistake around Loki.

(He is surprisingly really strong about animal rights.)

13. Changing the hellicarrier training music to Justin Bieber is S.H.I.E.L.D illegal.

(I changed it and the girls and some of the guys started singing along and stopped training. I was technically grounded by Fury.)

14. Don't die your hair blue then walk into training with Clint.

(I came in with blue hair and he tackled me to the ground. If it wasn't for Loki turning my hair back to its original color I would've been hanging from the rafters!)

15. Giving Thor fake guidelines to Earth is not allowed anymore.

(He will follow them. I loved the one saying the formal way to greet people was make a fish face at them. One person called the cops on him. Tony had to bail him out of jail.)

16. Painting Tony's room pink will only result in you waking up duct taped to the bed.

(I had to get Clint, Natasha, AND Loki to help me out.)

17. Telling Loki he could be the twelfth Doctor isn't the smartest thing to do.

(He ended up running around with a screwdriver and tried to unlock things with it. (And in case you have no idea what I'm talking about watch Doctor Who!)

18. Asking Jarvis to find P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way is not allowed because then we have Jarvis quoting Finding Nemo all day.

19. Pepper is not allowed to show the team Tony's baby photos.

(Loki and I use them as black mail.)

20. Telling new recruits that if they fail their first mission, they will be dropped out of the yellow cell.

(I tried to, but Clint told them I had been drinking when he well knew I don't drink!)

**AN-**

**YAY! I'M FUNNY! Haha sorry, anywho I'm so glad you guys are liking my stories! I give you all chocolate cake! And if you guys want a one shot on any rules just ask, and if any of you guys have rule ideas just comment or pm! :)**


	3. Rules 21 through 30

Guidelines To Living With The Avengers

21. No truth or Dare allowed. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(Bruce dared Tony to streak on the hellicarrier on recruitment day. I wasn't allowed to be there on that day anyways so I don't know if it happened, but afterwards Tony disappeared for three weeks.)

22. Don't teach Thor how to plank. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(He WILL do it. Loki and Thor actually got into a plank war. I got to take pictures. Loki won when he got a levitating planking picture. Thor couldn't do it.)

23. No playing Friday by Rebecca Black on the hellicarrier. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(Tony just happened to be in his suit and he broke the speaker. He had to buy new ones. Instead he just built new ones that actually refuse to play anything Rebecca Black.)

is strictly forbidden that any person watches X-Men without Loki. _(Tesseract Stone7)_

(Unless of course said person wanted to be Boy Scout tied to a chair hanging upside down while Loki watches the whole movie; twice.)

25. No Dr. Pepper for Thor._ (Tesseract Stone7)_

(We gave him some. The team thought his coffee addiction was bad. The first week, he had downed a twenty-four pack each day. The cans were everywhere much to Tony's annoyance. I had found good use for all of them. Who knew Loki likes skeet shooting?)

26. Tony can't give me money for my random dancing anymore.

(I would randomly dance when I listened to music and depending on the song would give me money. Loki AND Clint found out and made him stop; much to my disappointment.)

27. Teaching Thor and Loki about video games wasn't a smart plan.

(Tony bought an Xbox and Fable III. I started playing and the two Gods wanted to play too. It was a while before I could continue with my game.)

28. Telling Loki I'm pregnant is never a smart idea. For Tony at least.

(Bruce saw me looking at baby names for writing and he thought I was going to have a kid. He told Loki, who punched Clint and blamed him. Clint thought it was Tony's fault and he punched Tony. I had to explain I was not pregnant more than once.)

29. Steve Rogers is hereby banished from Facebook.

(It was all Tony's fault. Tony taught Steve about Facebook and Steve didn't show up for training for a week because of it. Fury was about to mount Steve's head on a pike when Tony hacked Steve's account and deleted it.)

30. I can't go to Asgard without Loki knowing.

(I went with Thor to see Frigga and Loki called my phone which I had given to Thor. Thor answered and he does not sound the same over the phone as he does in person. Loki said "I don't know who you are, but I will find you and I will kill you." The look on Thor's face was priceless. He immediately took me back to Stark Towers.)


	4. Rules 31 through 40

Guidelines To Living With The Avengers

31. Don't let the Asgardians watch Barney. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(Just, just no; they found it one early morning. Loki would NOT stop singing the song, and Thor was afraid there was a giant purple dinosaur in the world trying to kidnap children.)

32. Don't teach Thor how to sing Friday by Rebecca Black. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(He would wake us up every Friday morning for two months shouting it at the top of his lungs. That was originally how the kitchen got destroyed from my hiding of his Pop tarts. He won't sing it anymore because of that.)

33. Pasting pictures of Stony is only allowed when the two have a really cute moment together. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(The origin was when Steve was helping Tony with a cut he had from working. I then photo shopped pictures of the two together. Tony hasn't taken any of them down or had any negative comments about them; Steve just blushes.)

34. Faking your death/ funeral is allowed _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(I started it with my dramatic death scene at new recruits' day. Right now surprisingly Natasha is in the lead with best death. She paid some new recruits to find the team and she was on the floor with a fake pool of blood around her head. I actually started crying.)

35. Telling the new recruits that a dance competition is part of training is allowed.

(Fury actually let me do it this time, only because of his cruel nature so he could know which trainees could be fired for crying because they couldn't dance.)

36. Stealing Loki's helmet will only get you temporary horns.

(I wore his helmet one morning and at about noon I had tiny horns coming out of my head. I got him back by gluing his helmet to his head.)

37. Fandral can't hit on me anymore.

(Not Avengers team, but Fandral tried to hit on me when the team made a visit to Asgard. Loki and the Avengers hunted him down. I asked Lady Sif if she had seen him a week later and she hadn't. They found him duct taped to the bottom of the broken bifrost bridge.)

38. I just can't choose the training music anymore.

39. Throwing popcorn at new recruits during training isn't nice.

(Just a general niceness rule; I truthfully did feel kind of bad afterwards.)

40. Staring at interns during lunch break isn't allowed.

(Tony and I got the whole team and Loki to stare wide eyed at a table of interns during lunch. Fury told us some of them actually quit.)


	5. Rules 41 through 50

**AN-**

**Yay! I finally updated! Sorry for the long update on this one, I had trouble coming up with story lines for your guys' suggestions. Please keep reviewing and any and all ideas are welcome. Unless I have no idea what in Asgard you are talking about then I am afriad I can't post anything on it XD.**

Guidelines To Living With The Avengers

41. Don't get Fury a hairbrush for Christmas. _(Shape Shift3r)_

(It was terrifying, I gave it to him, he opened it and his face was blank. I was on edge for a month. He didn't do anything until I was off guard. He finally got me back by having me wake up in my PJ's on recruitment day in front of the recruits.)

42. Don't steal Clint's bows and arrows. _(Shape Shift3r)_

(Loki did, and he was target practice. Thankfully Loki has ninja reflexes.)

43. Don't face paint Tony when he's sleeping. _(Shape Shift3r)_

(He will get you back. We dared poor Steve and Tony got him back when we had a mission. The paint wouldn't come off so Steve had to fight a villain with a unicorn on his cheek.)

44. Don't pull any serious pranks on Bruce. _(Shape Shift3r)_

(Sometimes he notices before it happens. Otherwise he sometimes hulks out if he is truly caught off guard. We pranked him on the hellicarrier and he hulked out. Thankfully the ship was near empty except for the team and we weren't flying. Loki coaxed him into the water and Bruce calmed down.)

45. Don't teach Thor 'Baby' by Justin Bieber. _(Candy Cho321)_

(Along with Friday, it's just annoying. One day the team came home to find Natasha pointing a gun at Thor who was apologizing for singing it.)

46. Don't leave Tony and Natasha alone in the same room. _(Candy Cho321)_

(We left them alone in the conference room at the hellicarrier. From what I gathered; Tony hit on Natasha and he was knocked unconscious.)

47. Calling Loki a dung beetle because of his helmet isn't allowed anymore._ (Candy Cho321)_

(Tony did and Loki turned him INTO a dung beetle. I didn't know and I almost killed him.

48. Don't let Clint go to Five Guys with Bruce. _(Candy Cho321)_

(They will get into an eating contest. Clint may eat the fastest, but Bruce can feed the other guy too.)

49. Don't let Loki watch the _Incredibles_. _(Charles Xavier23)_

(He turned his hair red, gelled it and ran around in a black t-shirt with a giant 's' on it saying he was 'Syndrome.' I'm now Violet, Steve is Mr. Incredible, Tony is Dash, and Natasha is the elastic woman.)

50. Don't 'borrow' Tony's suit. _(Charles Xavier23)_

(I did, it was really fun, until Jarvis took control of the suit and threw me into a building. It hurt for a month.)


	6. Rules 51 through 60

**AN-**

**So I finally got this chapter! I forgot You guys gave me more ideas!**

Guidelines To Living With The Avengers

51. Don't let Thor listen to Call Me Maybe. _(Charles Xavier23)_

(He keeps giving me his phone number when he sings it. It's kind of scary.)

52. Don't play UNO with Bruce. _(Charles Xavier23)_

(He hulks out when Tony cheats. Thor just pisses him off; otherwise Bruce is a really good player.)

53. Don't wear a tank top around Steve. _(Charles Xavier23)_

(I'm kind of getting tired of his lectures. I should really learn to do what Natasha does and just ignore him.)

54. Don't go into Natasha's room. _(Charles Xavier23)_

(If you value your life just don't. The only one with immunity is Clint.)

55. Don't call Clint a butthead. _(Charles Xavier23)_

(I have immunity, but Loki called him that and well Loki was afraid of even being in the same room with him.)

56. Don't tell Thor and Loki Tuesday is Topless Tuesday. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(They WILL do it. Thor does it because well, he's Thor. Loki only does it because the female workers of Stark Industries practically drool over him.)

57. Don't tell the new recruits that to become an agent, you have to start a prank war. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(Loki, Tony, and I were all pretty impressed at the effort a lot of the recruits put into it. Fury just had to be a fun killer though and we can't do it anymore.)

58. Don't blackmail Loki with the theft of Pop tarts. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(It works, but he can and will get you back.)

59. Don't argue with Jarvis. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(YOU WILL NOT WIN.)

60. Don't let Loki watch the Suite Life on Deck. _(Asgardian Fire45)_

(He now has an obsession with blonde twins.)


	7. Rules 61 through 70

**Guidelines To Living With The Avengers**

61. Don't teach Thor how to play UNO. _(Asgardian Fire45)_

(He fails miserably, but it's still fun.)

62. Don't walk in on Tony and Pepper's dates. _(Asgardian Fire45)_

(It will be very awkward and you will be used as target practice.)

63. Don't let Bruce eat Milky Ways. _(Asgardian Fire45)_

(He has an obsession with them and it actually will make him hulk out if he eats too much.)

64. Knock before you go into Natasha's bedroom. _(Asgardian Fire45)_

(Randomly walking in isn't safe and hey just general rule of kindness and privacy. Not to point fingers –Tony-)

65. Don't let Steve get on his Twitter account. _(Asgardian Fire45)_

(Just like Facebook. Fury practically killed the man when he caught Steve on his twitter during a meeting. Tony and I really need to teach him better subtlety skills.)

66. Giving the team members 'songs' is allowed.

(Tony's is 'Shake it out by Florence and The Machine, he actually likes it. Clint's is Where ever I go by Buckcherry. Thor's is oddly Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows. Loki suggested it one day when we were 'songing' people on the hellicarrier. Bruce's is Set Me Free by Velvet Revolver; Tony's suggestion. Steve's with careful consideration is Stronger by Kanye West. Natasha's was hard, but I think it should be Break by Three Days Grace. Loki's is Even if I could by Papa Roach. He wouldn't let it be anything else. I get Burn it to the ground by Nickleback.)

67. Don't tell Tony that Jarvis has a virus. _(Heydontiknowyou)_

(It never really ends well, with Jarvis saying his systems are fine while Tony is freaking out, which causes Steve to freak out, which causes Clint to freak, then me, then Loki. It all becomes this huge mess of freak out.)

68. Don't push random buttons while figuring out security codes. _(Heydontiknowyou) _

(You either end up trapped, tazed, or target practice.)

69. Don't try to raid ANYONE'S underwear drawer. _(Heydontiknowyou)_

(Just don't. EVER.)

70. Don't get Thor and Loki into the 'Percy Jackson' series. _(Heydontiknowyou)_

(Thor believes he is Zeus, Loki is Hermes, Tony is Hephaestus, Steve is Athena, Clint is Artemis, and he isn't sure who Nat is. Or he doesn't want to classify her for fear of his genitalia.)


	8. Rules 71 through 80

Guidelines To Living With The Avengers

Don't let Thor and Loki watch horror movies, especially those that are super scary. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(Thor gets TERRIFIED and Loki makes Thor even more terrified by bringing some of the scary stuff to life.)

No suggestive comments around Steve or Loki. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(Steve either blushes furiously, lecture's you or both. Loki scolds you, but he cheats and uses magic to make him even more terrifying.)

Don't play hide and seek. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(Tony cheats and will use Jarvis to find you, Loki uses magic, no one can ever find Clint and Nat. If we use magic allowing rules, Loki and I can't be found for days.)

Don't build a real Angry Birds scale. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(As fun as Tony makes it, it's no fun when Steve always ends it.)

Don't fall asleep on Nick Fury while watching Fast and Furious. _(TonyFanatic)_

(Literally don't fall asleep ON him, or even next to him. Fast and Furious is his favorite movie, he's almost as bad as Loki.)

Don't jinx Tony's syrup with sweet and sour sauce. _(TonyFanatic)_

(He will get you back. He once had Loki stuck in the bathroom for a week vomiting, because Tony poisoned him.)

Don't dye Clint's hair neon green. _(Shape Shift3r, Marvel Girl)_

(He will find you and you will pay. Tony and Loki tried it. Tony woke up with bright orange hair. Loki had yellow hair.)

Don't tell Loki that you watched Star Wars without him. _(Marvel Girl)_

(It's like the X-Men. Just don't,)

When Jane comes to visit, make sure that Loki isn't around. _(Marvel Girl)_

(He REALLY doesn't like her, but I must admit, it's funny to watch her flip when her coffee turns to snakes.)

Playing Kinect Disneyland with Thor isn't very wise. _(Marvel Girl)_

(He thinks that Loki trapped people into the game.)


	9. Rules 81 through 90

81. Avoid Natasha when she's talking in Russian. _(Marvel Girl)_

(It usually means someone is in VERY big trouble. Also she's known to throws very lethal weapons at anyone who is to disturb her.)

82. Introducing Tony to Shake it Up Chicago makes Pepper angry._ (Marvel Girl)_

(He keeps trying to convince me to join the one in New York and Pepper hates all the pop songs.)

83. Playing Battleship with Bruce isn't the best idea. _(Marvel Girl)_

(Whenever someone outsmarts him, he becomes aggravated, and well the Hulk doesn't like losing.)

84. No quoting Invader ZIM's Gir around Tony.

(Tony: -really techy geeky stuff- Me: Yaaay! I don't know what you just said.

Tony: Why isn't this working! Me: The plug thing! It's not plugged!

Tony: Can you go get me the screwdriver? Me: I don't wanna! . . . Okay.

And many more.)

85. Painting Thor's nails and braiding his hair is okay.

(I was painting my nails a bright orange and he made me paint his nails. Also when we're watching the team play video games he lets me braid his hair.)

86. Comparing Thor and Loki to Brian and Stewie is not allowed.

(Thor doesn't care, but Loki doesn't like being compared to a psycho baby.)

87. Stashing food isn't allowed.

(Fury hates in when he can walk out of the lab then back in seconds later and all of us have food.

88. Don't let Loki read fanfic.

(You will regret it when he finds smut. You get the whole 'you're too young' deal. Or his head gets big from all of his fangirls.)

89. Shipping SHIELD agents is allowed.

(ONLY if they don't find out; although, sometimes we do call ships.)

90. Assuming you have magic, don't practice spells you don't know.

(I tried to make a mouse younger, but it ended up making Tony five. Loki had to undo everything and that scolding took a few hours about responsibility.)

**AN-**

**I feel HORRID for neglecting this story, BUT, this has two more chapters and then it's done. **


	10. Rules 91 through 102

91. Never call Steve a Sissy. _(Tmntfreak1996)_

(You'll either become target practice or get 'back in my day' stories.)

92. Never let Thor do the chicken dance. _(Tmntfreak1996)_

(Loki will turn Thor's arms into chicken wings.)

93. Don't introduce Tony to 'I'm Awesome' by Spose for sanity's sake. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(He will rap the whole thing at random. It's almost as scary as Fury rapping 'Bees in the trap.')

94. Don't introduce Loki to the Fangirl Army. _(Raychaell Dionzeros) _

(It is a very bad idea. He will go somewhere at random and say 'Kneel' and he'll watch all of his fangirls drop to their knees. It's kind of scary.)

95. Do not randomly drop to the ground and scream 'IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(All of the new agents will look at you like you're psycho. It's amazing how many times people have asked Fury if I'm mentally unstable.)

96. Don't sneak up on Thor and yell 'BOO'. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(You will get lightning shot at you instantly. That guy is easily spooked, oddly enough.)

97. Random giggles are banned. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(Normal people will think you're crazy, but people that are more . . . adult (like Tony) will do something very inappropriate, because they think that's what you're thinking.)

98. Don't prank Clint with superglue. His hand gets stuck to his arrow, and you  
don't want to be around him then. _(Marvel Girl)_

(He will stab things. He found out Tony did it to him once so Clint went around stabbing and ripping _everything_ in Stark Towers.)

99. Do not take Thor to McDonalds. Do not take Thor to McDonalds. _(Marvel Girl)_

(He will think the kid's meals are made from real kids. He also questions if chickens really have fingers.)

100. Loki at a pet store isn't good. At all. _(Marvel Girl)_

(He will _beg _Tony to buy all of the pets.)

101. If you let Tony read fanfictions, he'll only read ones about himself._ (Marvel Girl)_

(I mean c'mon. He's Tony Stark. He won't read them if it ships him and Loki.)

(AU) Cackling madly at the sight of Tony, Steve and Peter doing something sweet  
together is not allowed. _(Raychaell Dionzeros)_

(It will only get you target practice for all three. Trust me, getting web in the face is not fun.)

**AN-**

**Hey guys, this is the second to last chapter. So now I must say all rule submissions are closed. I will get the last chapter up as soon as I can. Thanks!**


	11. Finale

I sighed in relief; 102 rules on living with the Avengers, done. I reread everything checking for mistakes. Fury was always part of the grammar police. I saw everything was done and perfect and I smirked. Tony came up behind me.

"Is that what you've been working on since a few months back?" He asked leaning over the couch.

"Yup, punishment for all of the things I've done." I said.

"Who's Peter?"

"Uh- you know Spiderman?" I leaned back to look at him.

"Oh yeah! Peter's pretty nice."

I laughed and Tony gave me a weird look.

"Okay, the chances of you saying that were very slim." I responded.

"So Steve and I are a family now?" Tony raised an eyebrow and looked at me.

"You never deny the Stony pictures." I shrug.

Tony stuck his tongue out at me and downed the rest of the alcohol in his glass.

"Very mature," I rolled my eyes and did another check that it sounded okay.

I was about to click the 'save' button when my computer went black and the lights went out. I let out a screech of terror as I tried to turn my computer back on.

"Jarvis, what's wrong?" Tony called out, watching me freak out.

The AI didn't respond. Tony groaned.

"Hey sparky, is your stuff okay?" Tony asked.

"What do you think?" I screeched, about ready to throw my computer at the wall.

"Hey, don't snap at me." Tony shot back.

"You asked a stupid question!" Tony took my computer from me and tried to turn it back on.

He set it down and walked over to one of Jarvis' various panels. He tapped a few buttons and his face scrunched up.

"Jarvis has a bug."

"Really?" I asked sarcastically.

"When is your thing due?"

"This afternoon," I folded over and let out an annoyed puff of air.

"Well, I can defend you as much as you can, but otherwise you're screwed."

"You're a lot of help." I growled and threw a pillow at him.

I rolled my eyes and thought of what I would say to Fury.

_'Did you do the assignment?' He'd ask._

_ 'Well, funny story, I did, but then Jarvis had a spaz and Tony had to fix it, but he won't be fixed until a few days.' I'd say._

_ 'I'm not laughing.'_

"Tony you better fix it soon!" I shouted and pulled out my notebook.

I started from the very beginning.

1. No matter what Tony says DO NOT replace Nick Fury's eye patch with a waffle.

**AN-**

**Guys, it's the last chapter. I loved writing for you guys and it was amazing talking with you all. Thanks to all of you who reviewed: Raychaell Dionzeros, Marvel Girl, Tmntfreak1996, Candy Cho321, TonyFanatic, Klainelover913, Tesseract Stone7, Asgardian Fire45, Charles Xavier23, Heydontiknowyou, shape shift3r, Arrows the Wolf, Magneto Dude, Scarlet J Moore, RavenWing1997, wolfmagix13, and LittleMissZero. Thank you all! If you like my stuff you can go check out my other stories on my profile page!**


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